Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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