Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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