I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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