I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
