ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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