Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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