You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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