She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
