I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
