I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
