He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
