I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
