This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
