This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm at about main and main street
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
this is an emotional support booty call
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
