Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
