I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize