I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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