i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
