All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
