Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
