Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize