So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
