You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
