his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize