I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
