How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
