sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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