god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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