there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
