How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
