Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
