oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
