Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I didn't notice because vodka
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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