So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I touched a dick in church today
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