I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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