just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
