I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
