How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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