All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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