He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
