that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
