At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
