mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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