I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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