so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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