Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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