The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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