im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
