That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
