I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
