Ambien. No doubt about it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
