apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
