I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish you could order shots online.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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