Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
