i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
