it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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