Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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