i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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