I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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