and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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