just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
