I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
