we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
