So drunk its hurt
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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