Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
