I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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