I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I pour the whiskey from now on
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
