I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
