three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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