Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize