carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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