what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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