I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
