____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
