Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
