life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
