i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
