based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We had to coat check the pizza.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
