think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
