just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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