So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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